18/01/04

“They’ll talk to ya and talk to ya and talk to ya about individual freedom. But they see a free individual, it’s gonna scare ’em.”
Hopper/Fonda.
Easy Rider.

Sitting in a big room by myself.So late that it is early.So,Nothing new there..I got a new Cd from Ash and my voice is driving me crazy…I want it to sound like it is clotting in my windpipe.I want it to sound sick and dying.I want to take up smoking again.I also want to run away from home at the moment but due to the fact that I am broke and would have to take myself with me I think that I better stay put.

…mmm…mmmm…MMMM!!!

I am NEVER disapointed when it comes to people fucking me over and letting me down. But on the filpside you Sikfuks never fail to amaze me so I guess that it all evens out in the end….

Strange to say but jaded ranks are closing and I am shaking hands with hatred once again.I have decided that I dig the things that show the truth.The emotional litmus tests.Unlike The Who I DID get fooled again.The burn on my cheek? Ahhh! The scar of the judas kiss.Fetching non? ,p>Do grudges have a used by date.?. Nah,I didnt think so…..

At my worst and lowest? I keep going for two polar reasons. For the Sikfuks and the love of the game and because I am so hated. Heh! Pft! Like that is anything new to Me? Like that is gonna ever stop Me? You have GOT to be joking!

Only a few more days to go till the BDO…I get waves of “FARKKKK!!!!!” breaking on my barren shores at pretty regular intervals at the moment.It is breathtaking. I am not even gonna attempt to be cool about this cause it would be bullshit. I wanna get out there more that I think I have ever wanted anything in my life. I am over ready and underprepared…or maybe that is the other way around?. Cant say anymore.

It is bend over and kiss your ass goodbye time! WOOOO-WEEEEEEEE!

Song? “Freefalling” Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers.

I am gonna get to watch Metallica by the side of the stage..ARGHHHHHH!!!….sob!….It is moments like this that make up for all the endless 3am’s and the self abuse and internal slave driving that never stops. The times that you wish you could bottle…..and some how you do…..

Had the best show last Wed nite at the very sweaty Surry hills Excelisor supporting The Hard ons.I have a line of mottled purple bruises across my shins from slamming into the stage.No aircon and the greatest Australian punk band of all time mixed with 180 people in the middle of summer made for one very fucking happy me! I got to tell my oft trotted out finger fucking fable and lashings of thanks to Blackie ,Ray and Pete. I know that I harp on but just imagine being able to hang out,work with and be friends with people who changed the path that your life took…you with me here?…..That is where I am at.

Lucky….. with a hellhound on my trail…….

Gotta say thanx for all the mail. It is so cool to me that you can all fire off and tell me what is happening.I dig that the communication dosnt stop once the gig is over and that so many of you are such a creative force in and around the band.I was lucky enough to be sent a preview of the Sikfuk site and it blew me away! Putting faces to names after so long and the way that Miss Shelia has set it up…Damn! I have been told that it is gonna be up real soon so keep an eye out. I am lucky enough to be a fan of our fans.SF4L.You better fuckin’ Believe it.

Rossco spent an obscene ammount of hours in the yard of Chez Rock with Quiggs and Ash over the last 2 days.To whit….
1] 300 Black Tourettes “Sikfuk” tee-shirts.
2] 250 pole posters
3] 350 stickers
4] 300 “Sikfuk” bags.

What did I do?
I stayed in bed wracked with fleeting guilt.Then I fell asleep.Here is the deal…you are only able to sell one item at the BDO.Why not make it a show bag! T shirt,Stickers,Poster,Cd….. No shit! Hes an “ideas” man is our Rossco! I am gonna be flinging a few into the pit and My aim is shocking so beware!

Had a top time playing Detour to hell again.Awsome to catch up with the Brisvegas crew again.Thanx for the fireworks! See ya in March.

Our bass god is doing a runner to the hills of Spain and welcoming arms for a month after the BDO so be sure to give him any messages that you want given to Posh and Becks [snort!].Delux is the captain of The SS Tourettes and he has plotted a true and excellent journey thus far but you can only put up with being in a band with me for one and doing fucking everything for 2 years straight without needing help or a break. Me? Hell I am only the Lt! Delux is the big man on rock and roll campus!

Stay safe tiger and we will see ya in March.

Ash is gonna do a runner to Perth for a few weeks to drive his olds batshit.Quiggs is gonna be doin’ his jazz thing with effortless cool.

Me?……..

I am gonna be a grumpy cunt and write more songs for Ash to reject when he gets home which makes me angrier and write even more songs. Belive Me.I have got PLENTY of ammo at the moment.When I second guess myself and go to edit and yes,that DOES happen, not often but enough to piss me off,I think of a line that I wrote on the wall at The Ranch next to the porthole [I shit you not!] in my office. It reminds me of the obligation that I have to myself to cut in as deep as I can.

“Art is meant to disturb.Science reasures.” Georges Braque,pensees sur l’art.

I failed science with flying colors.[ Mr Mc Dennis? 7th grade? You are a stone cold asshole! Blow me!]

The sun is comming up so could you excuse me for a moment while I make a cup of tea ?Ta! The coolest drummer in the world [ TM ] is up and will be needing coffee as well..grumble…grumble…..

I have been a blight on everyone that knows me even MORE so than usual [if you can belive that!] over the last few weeks. I just wonder why all the cunts that I hate are still walking around clogging up the dermis of Mama earth and the good guys are six feet under when they should be here to see me piss off all the sad metal heads who cant handle the devistatingly suave mix of a bad attitude,armpit hair, 4 octaves and a cunt.All in a Tattooed 6’3 whitetrash package! [Some peoples kids huh?]

It hits me the hardest when I get to the points that I have set for myself for years.Like now I guess,I miss the good guys and smirk at the memory of all the human speed humps that I had to get over to get this far.Ash Cocks is the one who is really at the front of the line for me tonite. Miss karen is gonna be on hand and that sets a calm in me that is needed right now.

Most of the people I dig the most are dead.Saves you alot of money at Xmas but makes for shitty dinner parties.

I must say that I am a card carrying fan of things working out just the way that you knew they would. Most of my relations and I use that word lightly [as I am sure many of you do] would not have pissed on me had I been burning.But here they COME! Ok,ok….. so it is somewhat akin to shooting heavily opiated retarded fish in a barrel…but!….I waited so long!

Its not just family.It is amazing [ You gotta take my work for it if it has not happened to you yet…dont worry…it will!] the people who decide to remember your name when you start hitting the mark for the 1st time in your life.Oh Man! You wont belive your fuckin’ eyes!The ones who tittered as you walked away making your ears burn and your heart sease.The ones that you wanted so badly to share yourself with,to be friends with,The ones that never returned your calls and ignored you in public,made you feel like that 13 year old ugly kid who never quite hit the mark all over again….

Thanks for the call…um…ermm??

The guns that you stuck to Oh mighty sikfuks? Fire at will.Let em have it.

Petty? SUE ME! Like you wouldnt? Gimme a Break! You and Ghandi! Shallow? Hmmm…Maybe? But I am feeling my feelings and I am being honest with it….

Maybe if you get burned enough you become fire proof. Who can say?

No one is talking to me cause I wont lie. I built my own tribe.It has one lifetime member.Me. Why hang with people who only see you as a whipping boy and target. The way I see it is that family are just people who have known you for longer than anyone else. This time,as always,I have gone too far.I would be lying if I said that I gave a shit and/or asked for forgiveness.They only way to never get lied to again is to never belive anyone in the 1st place.

Some of my Xmas list came true! Nah…didnt get the car worst luck! Booked in for more ink! [Mr Adam! Hurry up and get back here!] Which is always a good start to the year. Still waiting on the head of Alfredo Garcia…just trying to remember what else I asked for..YEAH!!..I saw———- again! and that was the thing that I wanted and needed more than anything! A little bit of truth…fleeting but cool…

Thanks to all that are comming from all over the place for the BDO.See ya at Bar Ace on thursday.

Thanx also,before I jet,to Craig Hickey for giving us “Ep Of the year”.And to the readers of “Fiend” Mag for voting me Aust Female artist of the year.I have never even won a meat tray so I am beyond stoked! Later.
SF4L.
Michele.