Im gonna smoke that cone

Im gonna roll that joint
Im gonna get myself real high…
Viva Bris Vegas!!!!!
-Capt. Pointy Mc Assfuk all the way up north.

“Hey! I really like your band!!”
“Cool ,Gimme 2 dollars”.
-Me outside the venue ,1am Sunday.

“I mean” She said “That one cant help growing older.”
“ONE cant perhaps” Said Humpty Dumpty
“But TWO can. With proper assistance,you might have left off at seven.”
-Lewis Carroll,Through the looking Glass.

Im gonna walk all over you.
-AC/DC.
To recap the madness some I have to let you know how little sleep has played a solid role in my life over say,the last two weeks.

Sure,If I was on a private jet heading to the Swiss alps to get my blood changed after a sell out world tour I would nod off in my 15 year old brazillian supermodels arms ,wrapped in the mink throw that Donatella [“Bella! You rock!” ] sent me when I was in rehab and sigh like a soilder but alas….

Its all about ‘duster DVDs on concrete floors and stealing all the fun in the world that is not tied down.Cup o soup and five finger discounts.Friends that belive in you when you cant be fucked.Its the perfect kiss.

Ner ner fuckin ner…..

I have no fucking shame.Thats a given at this late stage.

A while ago Ross drilled me on being “Negitive”….We were jamming and all I could think was that I understood why Maynard have given up on street level communication.I am refuse,I am shop soiled Stained and negitive.But without the negitive the picture is never gonna get developed if you catch my drift here.

I think that it was more about the fag jokes than anything.Whatever melts your butter.

Its more along the lines of stress and weirdness.We did our last show at the Surry hills X and thanx to anyone who came down on a school nite to share the mad love that we have.Good lord! A pit on a wednesday can restore ones faith in the stupid things that transpire to get us on stage before you.Nah,it was really cool and I am glad that we did it.

Ah, the next night I was back again ,broke lookin like a little chica all dolled up for the dooom fest that is the Electric Wizard, Pod Peole, 4 Dead and Clagg show.I didnt think that I was gonna make it due to no funds but Sue and Dave blagged me on the door for which I will be forever in their debt.I think that Doom could play a valuable part in my weight loss action cause I had to go and take a dump 3 fuckin times due to bowel kicking bass.Then there was me and monkey sitting on the hard bit betwwen the cushions waiting for the drone notes like a couple of perverts.Mmmmm…yes….it really works…Bass is sexy.

Got to catch up with Nath from Paint it Black and talk of all things punk and disorderly with him and Kostic out the back.Ela calling from NYC and finally getting to hang out with Blackie in the front row for our beloved Pod People.

This song goes out to Blackie,his daughter and ….Michele.
-Josh Nixon On stage.

Electric Wizard were in a word,Mighty.I think that they played 3 songs but that filled up an hour and a bit.Pods new song “drum and Bass” was great.Cant wait till they do and album again cause I have almost played my copy of Doom Saloon clean.The stupid fuck who lives out the back of the x called the pigs and they shut it down early so we all felt very teenaged-thawted-wanna chuck a riot…Yeah man! Paris 68! burn cars! ….ahem…ok ok that was just me but that had more to do with the sudden shock of the ugly lights more than anything else.

Spoke to Justin from the Wizard and some how got myself door listed on the boat cruise tonite.Go figure?I know that monkey wants to go and I do as well but funds…gack…I gave ross my last 2 dollars last nite to get a pizza at one in the morning after the most bolshie stress fest photo shoot ever.Now that we are done with shows for a while I should really try and work out what I wanna be when I grow up….

Back to fable.

So Dave drives my doom drenched sated ass home and I pack for the fastest trip up north known to mankind.I pack like a 6 year old packs.I end up in the snow in a bikini or on the beach with a hoodie.Fuckin useless really.Check this out…

-Go see doom bands
-Get home and pack like aformentioned 6 year old
-Quasi pass out badly and stressing for an hour
-wake up with a start at quater to 4 feeling like I was slipped a roofie
-Dont pack any more cds cause everyone else will right??? [wrong]
-Take call from drunk signifiant other and wonder how you are both gonna last doing this toomfoolery.
-Get picked up by Ross at 4am in worlds smallest staion wagon.

I have to digress here for a second.Most of this band is well over 6 foot tall ,myself included.Do the math….We looked like a clown car at the circus.

-sally forth to get rest of band.
-coffee in the cross. I go and nick candy for the journey.

[15 hours later]

Blah blah blah…Brisbane.

9:32 am,Front seat.
Hyper aware that sleep is not gonna be much of an option while hurtling down an unsealed back road with Slayer pumped to distotion at a 140 miles per hour with your tired band.After last night I choose to belive that The Bass guitar owns the colon and the clit.This is just gonna be one long fag joke with no punchline.I have 17 dollars to get me though the next 5 days.If I had a gold tooth and a parrot Id be fuckin laughing.Am I laughing? In a word,no.I feel like a fat clown in this car and ive already got my fooprints all over the window.What the fuck is that smell???

Back to it….

To let you know cause I was asked by a sikfuk its kinda like driving from Tuscon to Dallas for one show.Yep,that long.And there is nothing in between.This place is fuckin huge and nothing hammers that point home more than being in a van.

We are on our way! Brisbane rock city on no sleep baybbeeee…I am shot gun and all I can feel is Capt Assfucks bony knees grinding into my spine through the seat.By the time we get to the border the boys hate all my music,not that its my problem cause they didnt bring ANY, although the listening of Elton Johns “Honky chateau” went down a treat.As did the Bob Marley comp that Miss Holly gave me.Forever drunk in the summer,palms upraised shuffling in a backyard to Bob…sigh…Loved those parties…Ahem…I never knew that My bass god had ,for a time played in a Bob Marley cover band.He was the only white guy up there with 12 passionate Samoan brothers the size of small economy cars.He gives a very rousing “Movement for jah people”.I am most impressed.A man of many talents.

50 billion joint and petrol stops and text messages and voila! we are in ginger country now.No shit,We arrive in Budrim,Hometown to the biggest ginger factory in Australia ,David Dean, blind ninja and promoter and the absent and much missed Maxwell.

Drive since 4 in the morning its now 9 at nite and there are 2 bands on before us.Ever notice how fuckin filthy you can get just sitting in a car? Or is that just me? [“What ever is that dirty woman on about?”]

Here comes Mr “I modeled my hair on Shane warne” Manager…
-Ya cant wear thongs.
-C’mon tiger its Brisbane!
-do ya dress like that in sydney?
-Yep!
-Well we dont up here have ya got shoes?Ya can go buy some…

Yeah,real bright blondie…Tell a dreadlocked 6’4 wild eyed muso to go and buy shoes at 9 at nite after he has been driving for 15 hours.A gold stamp and a blue ribbon to you mate.

This is when I turn and look at Ross knowing that we both have shoes but at this point dont give a fuck and I can see the cogs burning out in his brain and what he is gonna do.He gives him an earfull and I snigger like a retard.We put on shoes only to take em off to play.Horror Pa and a decent pack of people.Heads that made it back around from the last time we played including the crew from Moshpit music front and center.

So we all made it back to David Deans place.He is the fuckin coolest.He is Blind and feirce as fuck.A rare breed to be sure,that being a promoter who takes care of his touring acts.
Also one of the funniest cunts I know.
We were pulling out of the drive at the pub where only minutes befre I had been lying on the road telling anyone if they wanted me to move they could lift me…pulling out and Mike says “Can anyone see anything ?” to which David replies dead pan “Nah” Pure gold.He gave us perfect directions back to his huge home and got us all showered and into bed.Real beds…fuckin bliss.
You have not lived till you have had a blind metal head with a foul mouth giving you directions in the dark.Take my work for it.
The Deans are amazing and they fed and entertained us all morning till Dave had to go to Brisbane to get the Hellfest moving.

So there I am,bikini,gut hangin out ,big red flower behind my ear floating in a pool on the side of a moutain in a black innertube reading a Lester bangs book.Does it get much finer? I think not.I just started laughing as the scars on my ears tingled with glee.I question how the hell I end up in these weird situations all the fuckin time.Not complaining at all…..

Hellfest in Brisbane and how people amaze me.
Miss Metzy and Miss Lilli decided to make their way by train from the ‘Gong [“Lemme see your hands Wollongong!”] to Brisbane on the train to see us play.Unbeknownst to me they had hooked up with the No 1# Swedish sikfuk Eric to be there at the same time.Unfucking real.How do you say thanx for such devotion? Fucked if I know.Spoilt me with art and silver pirates booty.And here comes Cheech all the way from Cairns Jumping on stage to sing “Stand” with me at the end of a killer show…Worth more that the sum of all my self flagulating crap put together.

We had not been up in so long but all the tribe came out in force to support us.Melicious and Sir Swirly,Kento and crew,Jen and Timmy opening their arms and door.I passed out under a Pantera flag on Dannie’s bed looking at the photo she has of us from the last trip on her bedside table,Ross on the floor Ash talking shit in the living room and No1# son asleep….Me and Timmy on the bed earlier,voices gone but just playing guitar,just like its always been,the songs that got you to the point of your own songs,bitten fingers on strings and I will always come on home to this feeling… and soooo tired…Me, so glad that I managed to get this far and just easy burnt wanting to keep going….when I see you say the words in the pit…when I can be bigger than my life….

-And a big fuck you to Tourettes! those puppies need to be put on leashes!!!
-Frankenbok ot Hellfest.

And what do you know? Its 9 in the morning and we are out again.Mike and Ross drove while I listened to Kyuss and Jeff buckly,GnR and Rollins live in Chicago drowing in the green outside the car wondering why I dont just walk off the road never to return.That pull in me always…

I ended up being dropped on the side of the highway for a much needed 24 hours in Newcastle which ment very little sleep [The lack of sleep theme? Took me a while but I tied it back in….] and being on the train home at 8 in the fucking morning.Matt S,Style king supreme was on the same train back which made my journey sweet.Ah Sydney…looking out the window onto a ledge at Redfern seeing syringes scatteed like confetti.Bummer in the summer and I look like I have been punched by exhaustion.I am home in the sticky rain to do a photo shoot tonite….

The last shoot we really did was with Miss Annie in Canada and before that the autopsy.Ross has been running himself into the ground to get all done before he leave the country.The single has to come out and I keep thinking that he is gonna explode.So we all rock up and the stress is bullshit.Believe it or not I dont get involved because I am so discusted by the pissing and contritiction laden crap that is being flung.We all got through it and Renato had the paitence of a saint.

He also lit me like a teen dream so as tired as I was we now have the cover for the album and single.Tits ahoy! Too much porn for me at the moment.Gotta get my hand off it methinks.

Meanwhile,Mark Virgo is over in his lair editing the new clip.Its a bit disturbing for me right now cause everytime he sees me he starts tittering manically and rolling on his heels.Tells me that he shuts his eyes and sees my face and I dont think that its in a good way.What a fucking nightmare!.He is going through 5 hours of footage frame by frame to get all the best shots.Vale to him says I.So lucky that we have such a strong and clever pack of mates.He wont let me see any of it cause Ross told me that he was not aloud to.Not fair at all.Now we are gonna have to do the picking of the photos before the weekend as time is fleeting and we are all going our seperate ways…I am terrible when its comes to this belive me…

Got the show on Sunday which is sad and good all at once.I am gonna miss Delux like crazy but I would miss him more if he stayed here if that makes any sense.I want him to find a bit of refuge out there.Hes at the end of the line ,the poor bugger.

Come Monday? Monday I am gone again motherfuckers. I am gone again!!!!.Yes,yes,yes!In the middle of all the shit at the shoot Jr gave me a call and said that he is heading for the beach and as much as I wanna see the Hard ons I wanna fish and surf and shit for a while.Leefish and Jake are gonna make the treck as well and I can see the view now….

Comming back here was really hard for me,what can I tell ya? I make a killer beach bum… and I am gonna take this time by the balls and make it call me “Sir” while I still can.Delux is saying that he will only come home for good tours and that confuses me ,makes me feel less not having him around.People have gotta do their thing…Gotta email PC and tell him about the run that we have been offered up north in Feb. Who knows what is gonna happen after this.I didnt get a chance to record with Ash and the way I am with it all right now its for the best.I need to miss them again and I am sure that they feel the same way about me.Got to pack up all my stuff and go and get down with it all.Pens,fishing rod and fine company.I feel like I wanna be the natural progression of Hunter S, Ted Nugent and Hemmingway.And all in all I dont think that that is such a bad thing but I think that I will give the shotgun tounging and meat eatin’… oh and the drug binge action a miss…Besides that? I’d say spot on.

So,being that I dont want to annoy Ross while he is gone and that it is he that brings Whitetrash to you,I will try and get another one in before the 10th but if I dont? Be cool and all the good shit apon y’all.

Later.
SF4L
Michele.