What the public reproaches you for,

take precious care of,it is you.
-Jean Cocteau.

Never not remeber that this I knew of you and that it was mine alone.I tried to tell you what it ment but it got lost in the noise before you ran to shine.It,Me feeling this great big thing for you seemed so unimportant really, and now I hold it in vain…where are you tonight?….
-Unsent letter 5:07am August 11th 04′

You exhaust me with your apathy
Your long lines
Im sad with pity
In stereo.
-“Rail” New song.

I was in a rank mood for two days cause I drempt that I slept Through a Black Flag show and then I was dumb enough to tell my roomies who have been dining out on it ever since.

Ross is the only person in my band talking to me and after all the time that we lived in each others pockets I am easy with the radio silence.

All I can hear from the sofa is “OW! ow!….” not as kinky as it sounds but more on that later…..

So now I gotta read on my own band site that my boys are homeless in Calgary.I am broke and somewhat useless down here so if any of my old crew up there see them can y’all help em out?.Its Me who will owe you as Bon Scotts words flow through me…[“…gettin had,gettin took,tell you folks its harder than it looks….”]..I am not really in the best position down here.Read:Broke and depending on my sister.

Ah Family! My baby brother seems to have forgotten that I exist and considering what a crap sister I was its not really suprising so what are ya gonna do? And its round a year ago now that my beloved big brother Blackie and My darlin Fernanda tied the knot.

Fuck! A year.Finally got word from the Glamours camp which is good considering how shirty the B* was getting with them for not staying in touch.All is well in their world,more pussy than a pet store with those lads….As always Rock heals a broken heart….Gene will be back in BC now…sigh….Wish we could have got into more trouble but them’s the breaks…..seeing all our names listed in the “Thank you’s” on the new album is still messing with my atoms……

Sin and B* have fallen into a non stop X-box vortex that involves building skateramps and such.I just lie on the floor and look at stuff.20/20 fucking vision man….I dont wanna go to bed tonite cause its too cool SEEING stuff.

Ice cubes in the bong???…….

Ross is telling me to write and contact people and I am doin the best I can with what I have got.I am trying to imagine Ash crashing at the studio and my head spins at what we are doing ALL the time…..Why the fuck not…..I Have had no news from the AWOL drummer in a while so I hope that all is going well for him and he is getting all the love he can before the next recon.

Already got some cool sikfuks here in LA and I have to tell you with all my fanboy heart ,when someone tells you that “You guyys would go over HUGE at The Whiskey” It takes all Ive got not to spack out totally and start tap dancing.The Whiskey!???!!! THE FUCKIN WHISKEY!!!!!! Jim Morrison ,Iggy Pop,The Cult,GnR,The Crue…..and us?

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

There is a pretty heavy “pay to play” thing here but its great being friends with 3 cause he is giving me the inside track and introducing me to bookers at The gig,The Dragonfly…..Its just like it was when we started….Build it and hope that they will come.I am sweet with it all.I cant think of wanting anything else and god only knows the paths that I have taken have never been boring…..

In the land of weird these people dont know what to make of little old me…They look at me like I owe em’ money or somthing….

I lie round doing sit ups and writing down all the ink I am gonna get once I hit coin…..Its a long fucking list…..!…Starting at the knuckles and working my way up……Jooles te ame motherfucker! These mix CDs are the shit! “Moby Dick” Hell yes!!!….Its raining again which is kinda shitty but I will live.La looks hot in the rain.Kinda like a….no, I dont think I need to go there right now…..

I was talking to Mo Mayhem about the “haters” tonite.All you sikfuks go like half staved rotties so I never have to worry about defending my Honnor there! Id like to tell you not to bother but thats what I got taught in school and all it did was keep me down and get me fucked over.As long as it dosnt consume you why not get even? Just a thought….

Been involved in alot of emails about such things of late and you know what? Theres fuck all wrong with being bitter…Why bite your tounge if the person in question is a total cunt? I have an unfounded but somewhat canny theory that repression leads to cancer….

I am not gonna die thinking that there was shit that I should have said or done I would rather wear all my mistakes than live in fear.

I shouldnt write to y’all while listening to Slayer….snigger….Nah,s’cool.Id still be an Onery old cunt no matter what I was listening to.

HOLA! So fuck me! How great is the whole Myspace set up???.Keep an eye on the “SF4L” site as Miss Shelia is tweaking the profiles…The art work that a few Sfs had up is amazing and I wanna know who the fuck is doing it!!! Send it all thru to the site! Its fucking awsome.All the shit you guys do and write blows me away….I am still waiting on Miss Annie to take a photo of her bedroom door so y’all can see it! Its like the Tourettes acid trip! And when doing Grafitti,not saying that any of you WOULD do somthing like that being the upright christian soilders that you are….for fuck sake make it huge and dont get caught!….its best not to tell me about such folly but I wouldnt mind seeing the pictures!

-Anyone need a drink?
-Nah…you dont have a gram on ya, do ya?
-Nah sorry…how about a Sprite?

How un-rock am I in retrospect? No coke, No cheap women [I am working on that….]No pixie meat boy groupies,No sold out at The Forum…YET!….HA!!!!!…I could not give a shit to tell ya the truth.3 asked me tonite if I turn into a headcase when I drink….got Me thinking….from what I can remember I think the answer was yes….Almost been sober for more years than I was a raging drunk now which makes me smirk at the face of many collective hangovers…I was talking about it to someone else the other day….its just the fact that when I do a thing its in my nature to go all out and thats why I dont do it.I have been compulsive my whole life.Primo addict material.

I was great at it.You mix that with my size and shit got ugly fast.I dont want anything but rock and roll and rude dreams about Adrien Brody to own my ass so there you have it.

Wouldnt mind a smoke though….sigh….

I have not seen myself without face furniture in years….what a trip….I keep going to push my glasses up on my nose automatically…very weird….

So what else am I up to?…new hair tommrow…over the orange streaks and Sin wants me to do her Dreads so it could be good…She is Bright blue right now…killer!…Doing stuff for my sister and listening to alot of The Who and The kinks.Doing the happy dance cause I can get my fat ass back into my cammo shorts and sewing patches onto my hoodie….Not really TV sets outta windows at the Riot house on the strip but I am workin on it.

I know that Rossco still wants to put all the lyrics into the new album but I dunno how I feel about it.I keep putting him off but he wont take that for much longer.I like it when I can get my hands on the words…but?….fuck it…you guys tell me…I have gotta lighten up about shit like that anyway…..I was thinking of putting them up in the members page but my crusty punk bass god will look at me like I am an elitist gob-shite….I so want you guys to get all 13 songs…I dont wanna cut any more.

So from the jungle I bid you goodnite.
Keep it up…all of it…all the time…you rule.
SF4L
Michele