Ring-a-ding-ding.

I am not what happened to me.I am what I chose to become.
-Carl Jung.

Your the meanest woman I’ve ever known.
-AC/DC

Lay my faith in a red Dodge Chevy
Hangin’ at the Rainbow drinkin’ Jack with Lemmy
New gold chains turnin’ my neck green
‘Cause baby you know trash like me always makes the scene.
-“Money-shot”

Daddy says that I am the best kisser.
-Idle Redneck boast.

Nowhere that you can find me.

I am not wanting to be found. Mexico,Long Beach, Hamburg? It don’t matter none…..I am an afterthought. You would think that at a rather hefty (” Get thee to a treadmill!” Voice of God.) 6 foot 3 and covered in tattoos that I would be an easy target. But as I live to disappoint? Well, I would have to tell you that you are wrong.

Small is the order of the day.

Nothing but the long literary bent shadow that sees and records all of your sins. Well, if I could be bothered that is. Right now I have far too much self flagellating and sin slaying of my own to worry about. Trying to channel Alfred E Newman and Gretta Garbo ( A gormless freckle faced “What Me worry? ” crossed with a double dose of terrifying ice queen German accented “I vant to be left alone” .)

Cute huh?

Fucking about with sharp things and hollow point deliverance. Can y’all hear the Banjos? Oh baby, if I wasn’t poison we could make some slow time…..

I have a few tours coming up that I am going to be all too happy to be working on. That’s something I guess.( As opposed to?….) If you see a blur of mini skirt and thigh high boots topped by white blond hair flying by at 100 miles an hour ,laminate flapping in my leggy wake  ,don’t be afraid. Just little old killing machine moi.

Love doing merch. Love that I get to work with my mates.

Road dogs like me move too fast for fleas…..

So many fables that I want to tell you.I am a writer. (“But oh-so-so guarded now ain’t ya Miss Damage ’08?”). I have a kind of emotionally retarded Fort Knox thing going on a treat right now. I cant seem to remember who to trust and I guess until I get a grip on it the safest and wisest move is not to trust anyone at all.

Least of all myself. Naught but a sniffling tantrum encased the brindle skin of a broken heart.

Boo-fucking-hoo right?

(“The tall angry lady will have the wamburger with and order of french cries and I will have a whine-e-kien.”)

So ,I sit here wasting time only to write to say that I cant write.(” There’s something in that for all of us I think….Now if you would all be so kind to turn to page 212 in your hymnal for Amazing grace”….) 

 Is it fear? I think a little bit of fear never did nobody no harm. I think that you should be able to buy it in soft gel form at the GNC. Take it once a day with your fish oil, multi’s….down the hatch with the rest of the pills.

Elvis used to be able to take something like 20 pills at a time. Used to have one of the Memphis Mafia put ’em in a champane glass by his place setting at the head of the table. Right there next to his 3 pounds of bacon and banana’s mashed into a hollowed out loaf of bread. I think that I can do about 12?

God.Trust me to want to emulate some one who died a recluse on the crapper full of Dilaudid ,wasted potential , unhinged glory,peanut butter, angst and a ton of diamond studded calcified shit compacted in his royal  colon…..

Sigh.

Where was I ? Oh yeah, Fear. Like I said in my usual round about way,is good.I am all for it. Its just the explaining right now…… Oh, and connecting….well ,anything to do with civil human relations at all if push really has to come to shove (“Ow!”).

Me and Jean Paul Sartre baby…I guess that I just don’t have the energy. I tend to be like a sick  dog at times like this. Smell bad,crawl under the house where its cold and dark and then don’t let anyone near me.

What does it taste like?

A medicinal thing. Dirt and infernal damnation. Like gunpowder and Geezer Butlers bass tone.

It saunters like someone who wants to do hardcore things to your neither regions and it smells like baby powder and summer. I lost my mind a fair few miles back and to tell the truth I am just happy to be on a computer that I don’t want to throw through a window. I dream of nothing but redemption. Wonder what it would be like to have the energy to set people straight.

You know the deal……

I keep my mouth shut and roll on . Sitting here I thought that I was really going to carve one up you know? Flex the tendons around the literary artery (” Andddd ONE and TEW and Push!…ect,ect…..”) ,tap the plague vein but in the void I am finding it hard to build up speed. What can I tell you? …yeah you….c’mon over here….closer.

All the friends.Oh! I was kidding myself. I know that I am better off without them but it still rubs my fur all kinds of wrong. Brings static and bad news on black wings.

Me an Liezel have been pounding it at work.Some of the most amazing photography I have ever been involved in and I have got alot of miles up in front of the lens. Can you see them? In a word….no.  But take my word for it it will all be worth the wait.

Laura and Gene working their magic up in Vancouver with the mighty Chicken. I miss them so much. The support that I get from my band blows me away. I listen to the unmixed album all the time and I ache for Michelle. It is honestly physical.I want her back so much. I carry some of her ashes in a small silver vial  with me wherever I go now,deep in my pocket ,clenched tight in my sweaty fist…. and knowing that I will never see her again knocks me off my feet at least once a day. It never gets any easier.

There is a song called “Money-shot” on the album and at the beginning of the take I can here Mish sigh and then cough. Take after take as I was standing in that fucking tent driving Chicken mad it was all that I focused on.  I could hear her fingers scratch,bite and catch on the strings…..

 Not that I have been tripping the light fantastic on any kind of regular thing up here but in relation to when I shall return? Hmmmmmm??? Its much like “Chinese Democracy” ever being finished or the second coming.If you are waiting on it? Get comfortable.

I could be out a while or back here live and on fire every night. I have just had my butt handed to me and I guess I am trying to work out what to do with the sorry assed shape that I find myself in right now.As is my want to do.

Nyer.

M

7

x